Through the Flames

Painting

2011-12-12T21:53:00.000-06:00

It always surprises me how much texture there is in paintings.

Read more »

Lully, Lulla, Lullay by Philip Stopford:

2011-12-03T09:36:00.000-06:00

There is No Passover Parade

2011-11-16T22:00:00.001-06:00

2 Chronicles 35:1-6

The Right Headline

2011-11-11T23:11:00.000-06:00

There are a few stories every Christian child knows by heart. There's one especially I think children can relate to — you see, there's this short guy: Read more »

Love

2011-11-08T15:38:00.001-06:00

like the flood that leaves us stranded
as dying worms caked into the pavement that
forces us to dry out, sober up, and come down
from the merciless high our our own self-centeredness

from larvae to worms to dried up shells
of life that once was we travel
travel finding true life in death
in this death to self
to a self that looks only inward
and only inward loves

wash me away oh graceful Father
dry me out under the glorious radience of the Son
love me to death and help me to die
to a self that greeds and wants
for what it dies not need and should not love

The Throne Amidst the Mess

2011-10-03T21:33:00.000-05:00

In emailing a new friend/mentor this phrase came up on her end of the conversation:

"God can’t do greater things in our lives
until we give Him the proper place on the throne of our hearts."
It struck me.

What if our hearts our broken? Where does God come in?

Read more »

A Snoodles Tale

2011-09-28T21:45:00.000-05:00

A Musical Tuesday...

2011-09-20T23:00:00.001-05:00

Yes, I realize it's not Monday, music is what's speaking to me right now.

I discovered this song sometime within the past few months. I think it might have been my first week going to church here in Springfield. However, since then, this song has been able to catch up my heart everytime I hear its notes.

Read more »

Where God Went

2011-09-14T17:00:00.002-05:00

"There have been men before now who got so interested in proving the existence of God that they came to care nothing for God Himself...as if the good Lord had nothing to do but exist! There have been some who were so occupied in spreading Christianity that they never gave a thought to Christ...Did you never know a lover of books that with all his first editions and signed copies had lost the power to read them? Or an organizer of charities that had lost all love for the poor? It is the subtlest of snares."
~ C.S. Lewis. The Great Divorce

...The danger of theology.

Musical Monday 5

2011-09-12T07:27:00.000-05:00

I was in one of the worship services at the Michigan District Senior High Camp this summer. And I have to admit that I feel old when I say this but it is so powerful seeing five hundred youth, high schoolers especially, singing this song in one accord with all of their hearts. When it was played I stood back after a verse or two to just watch and since then this song has haunted my worship.
Read more »

Seek First

2011-09-11T14:13:00.000-05:00

One thing I continually notice is that when I stop looking to myself, trying to get what I need out of my own ambition or out of other people, that's when I God brings the answer to me out of his own goodness.

We joke about this tendency a lot. We look forever for something and then after we give up looking and start looking for something else, we find that first thing we were looking for. You tell someone the story and they nod in agreement, that's the way it always works. I've made that comment myself.

I see this most during times of worship Read more »

Reset to the Heartbeat of God

2011-09-08T17:51:00.001-05:00

Sometimes we need to just recalibrate.

I find that life spins you around and twists your world upside down. Like in a rocking chair, simply being can move you further and further from where you started. Just in transitions or daily routine we can get set off and drift into different mindsets.

Read more »

The Boy, The Kite and The Wind

2011-09-08T17:07:00.000-05:00

The Boy, the Kite, and the Wind from Improbable Philanthropist on Vimeo.

http://improbablephilanthropy.com/

Seeking Heart

2011-09-06T21:49:00.000-05:00

God's awakening my heart to a new desire for him. Slowly but surely I've been realizing how little I really think about him.

Read more »

Long Distance Relationships

2011-09-02T14:24:00.001-05:00

Paul is imprisioned in Rome. Chained up. Accompanied only by his faithful companion Timothy. He writes to the Christians in Philippi. Thus the book of Philippians. Near the end of the first chapter we get a glimpse of Paul's great endurance:
Read more »

Musical Monday 4

2011-08-29T18:44:00.004-05:00

Here are a few songs I've been listening to lately:

Belly of the Whale/Land of the Dead

2011-08-23T12:54:00.006-05:00

Reading Matthew 16:4, I was curious as to what exactly the sign of Jonah was that Jesus referenced. So I read through Jonah again and noticed a few things. Essentially we all know the story. Prophet receives revelation, prophet runs from God, prophet is thrown overboard...then the prophet prays.

God Softly Ticks

2011-08-21T11:27:00.001-05:00

Hey everyone.

I'm at college!

I'm now officially an Evangel University student. I've moved in, met my awesome roommate, helped with Joplin tornado relief, and stayed up way later than I planned.

One thing I noticed:

2011-06-14T17:16:00.001-05:00

Hey everyone,

I know I haven't posted in awhile. I probably won't post in another really long while. I'm at a new job and not at home and have no computer access. Just wanted to let everyone know.

Sarah

Labor of Love

2011-05-25T16:35:00.001-05:00

Often, at least for me, evokes images of a dude with a giant stick standing around in the middle of a giant field of grass, maybe spending some time sitting under a shady tree, perhaps on the side of a gentle slopping hill, definitely dressed in white, and just generally chillaxin'. According to Merriam and Webster, shepherding is defined as "the activities of a worker engaged in tending sheep." Wow vague, right?

Read more »

Heritage of Choice

2011-05-18T16:35:00.001-05:00

Recently you've probably heard a lot about the debt ceiling. The United States government is scrambling to find some way to balance the budget before the end of the year, when our national debt is projected to reach 14.3 trillion dollars, the (already raised) set point the nation is not allowed to borrow above. One of the bigger issues the House and Senate face in balancing the budget is that of entitlements. Certain funding programs have been legally prohibited from being cut from the budget, things like Social Security.

Read more »

GREAT Miracles

2011-05-11T16:35:00.000-05:00

Soon after the split between the northern tribes of Israel and the tribes of Judah and Benjamin, Asa is reigning in Judah. Upon taking power he had initiated reforms in the church cutting down asherah poles and put to death anyone who didn't commit to seeking God. Then thirty-some years later King Baasha of Israel invaded Judah. Baasha took a town in Asa's territory, fortified it, and used it as a base to cut of the nation of Judah.

So, Asa went back to the temple.

Read more »

Sinai Speaks

2011-04-27T16:35:00.003-05:00

As the Israelites exited Egypt, God showed himself to their nation in mighty ways. First of all there were all of the terrifying plagues. Then God split the Red Sea. He also provided them with clean water in a desert region. He gave supplied them manna and quail to eat. Finally God is ready to show himself to the entire nation.

Read more »

Creed of a Worthy Bride

2011-04-21T20:20:00.002-05:00

What is this bravery we seem to think we hold. What the world sees is not bravery, but cowardice and hipocracy. The world doesn't want just another lukewarm religion that can be thrown aside and denied. The world, the people, crave a religion that's true and bold. Look at Islam, look at Buddhism. People want devotion. They don't want to convert to Christianity to be merely another apathetic follower of an antiquated religion that refuses to get in people's faces. We must not let ourselves be the norm. We must not acknowledge leaders that follow the world. If we continue to allow less than perfect, to settle for almost-holy, we have nothing of perfection and nothing of holiness. We need to hold ourselves to a higher standard, to step up to the calling on our lives. We must be passionate; intensely in love and unabashedly devoted to the God we know to be true. We must not be meek or settle for a watered-down version of the message we carry. We must breathe each day with God. We must seek him, love him, declare him.

Purposeful Living

2011-04-20T16:35:00.003-05:00

Jesus, betrayed and interrogated, beaten, and whipped, he's hanging on the cross and in John 19 it says that he was still thinking about the scriptures.
Read more »

2011-04-18T22:26:00.002-05:00

The Mountain from Terje Sorgjerd on Vimeo.

And people say there isn't a god?

Trusting the Human Heart

2011-04-17T22:08:00.001-05:00

I wonder sometimes how Jesus felt having given up everything and coming down to earth, having given up himself, his divinity, to become like us. I stumbled upon this verse, as one does when they read aimlessly, and I think it reveals more about Jesus than what we usually see.

Read more »

Unblinded

2011-04-13T16:35:00.002-05:00

In the evening, after he has seen Mary for the first time post-resurrection, Jesus showed up in the midst of the disciples:
Read more »

Dusty Faith

2011-04-06T16:35:00.002-05:00

I would not want my friends lowering me through a hole in the ceiling on a mat. That’s one thing I learned during human video practices over the years. If you ever want to talk about faith consider this man's faith in his friends:
Read more »

Sun Stand Still

2011-03-30T16:35:00.001-05:00

Joshua is one of my favorite Bible names and I'm not sure why, I guess I just like the way it sounds. Joshua, the person, however, I is awesome for clear reasons. If we take a look in Joshua 10 we see the kings in the Promised Land getting anxious when Joshua and the Israelites wipe out Ai and the powerhouse of Gibeon made a treaty with them to prevent their own fate from being the same. One king in particular, Adoni-zedek was nervous and he gathered up his fellow Amorites and the armies of five kings fell on Gibeon. Then Gibeon, being allies with Israel, sends a message asking for Israel's help:
Read more »

Righteousness

2011-03-23T16:35:00.002-05:00

Our god is a god of paradoxes. In the Bible he is the supreme ruler and the judge !of all mankind; but, he is also the embodiment of love and the source of all mercy and grace in the world. He is holy and perfect, but also forgiving. This duality of his nature is often a reason for some people to point out that the Bible must not be true, it says this in one area and that in another. Ultimately, God is the source of everything truly good, whether it be kind or just and all of these aspects are part of his character.

Read more »

Thicken Your Soup

2011-03-16T16:35:00.003-05:00

If you've ever had watery soup, you know it's kind of gross. When you make homemade soup you have to add in a thickening agent or you'll end up with a pot of water with a mess of vegetables sitting on the bottom. It's thin and weak and disgusting. Some of the water boils out naturally, but noodles, cornstarch, and most commonly flour can make the process much faster.

Read more »

Musical Monday 3

2011-03-14T14:35:00.006-05:00

Alright, I know I haven't done Musical Monday in a good long while but I'm excited about this. We had to make a music video in my video production class and we were originally going to do a Lecrae rip-off but our actor quit. So we were stuck a week before the project was due with nothing. Then my partner's brother is like, hey, you guys should make a video for my new song. And then I'm like, hey, we got no video anyway, what the heck.

Read more »

Flinging Seed

2011-03-09T16:35:00.001-06:00

"Listen! A farmer went out to plant some seed. As he scattered it across his field, some of the seed fell on the footpath, and the birds came and ate it. Other seeds fell on shallow soil with underlying rock. The seed sprouted quickly because the soil was shallow; but, the plant soon wilted under the hot sun, and since it didn't have deep roots, it died. Other seed fell among thorns that grew up and choked out the tender plants so they produced no grain. Still other seeds fell on fertile soil, and they produced a crop that was thirty, sixty, even a hundred times as much as had been planted!" ~ Mark 4:3-8

Service in the Night

2011-03-02T16:35:00.003-06:00

A father asks several disciples to heal his son, but they couldn't. The disciples tried, they had prayed for the demon to come out of the boy, but it hadn't. When Jesus joins these disciples and the crowd that has formed the father tells Jesus what has been happening to his son and with the disciples.
Read more »

To Each His Own

2011-02-23T16:35:00.002-06:00

The church of Christ was built to stand together. The first church was filled with men who wrote openly of their personal struggles and who stayed accountable to one another. They supported each other spiritually, emotionally, and even financially. Because of this strength within they body, the church stayed together and grew daily.

Read more »

Eat and Drink

2011-02-16T16:35:00.001-06:00

In two months God lead the Israelites from Egypt, He parted the Red Sea, He gave them manna and quail from Heaven, and He gave them water from a rock. Now, He has brought the Israelites to Mount Sinai. God calls Moses up to the mountain:
Read more »

Musical Monday 2

2011-02-14T19:49:00.004-06:00

This is a video of Nicole Nordeman performing her song "Beautiful for Me" with some VeggieTales awesomeness thrown in there.

Read more »

Great Worship

2011-02-09T19:38:00.005-06:00

My youth group along with my school's chapter of FCA are having a worship night this Friday. Partly to prepare for this, my youth pastor talked tonight in youth about worship. I have to admit I didn't really listen too much, a lot of what he said he covered in the worship team meeting earlier.

After he preached we went into the usual worship service which was moved because of the topic of conversation. Tonight though we had just two singers and the guitar.

Read more »

Discipleship Drama

2011-02-09T16:35:00.001-06:00

Say there’s a new kid at school. He seems kind of weird at first but when you get to know him he’s an awesome dude. You think he’s cool and so you invite him to the rest of your friends. Then, once they meet him they take off. They leave you for him, your friends become his friends, they once laughed at your jokes and now they laugh at his.

Drama like this happens every day in junior and senior high schools; you’ve probably seen something like this somewhere among your circle of friends. The whole thing sounds petty when you read about it, but when it actually happens it feels like a betrayal.

John the Baptist had the same thing happen to him. Read more »

Musical Monday 1

2011-02-07T17:51:00.004-06:00

So I'm gonna try something new. By the title I'm assuming you can guess it. Mondays are going to be wonderfully musical. I might just have songs, like this week, or review an album, or discuss some song's message, and we'll see how it goes :)

Mistrust

2011-02-06T18:58:00.008-06:00

"Now while he was in Jerusalem at the Passover Festival, many people saw the signs he was performing and believed in his name. But Jesus would not entrust himself to them, for he knew all people. He did not need any testimony about mankind, for he knew what was in each person." John 2:23-25

I was beginning to read through the book of John again when I found this. As I read it, it sort of struck me.

Read more »

Lite Brite

2011-02-02T16:35:00.003-06:00

Throughout time many cultures have worshipped the moon. Many Native American cultures worship the moon. The moon is featured in Greek and Roman mythology. The Hittites and Canaanites as well had moon deities.

The moon is just a hunk of rock. It's a massive ball of silica, alumina, and lime. It is no star and it has now light of its own. The glow that ancient civilizations worshiped was merely a reflection. Without the sun the moon would have no light.

Read more »

Child of God Repost

2011-01-27T19:58:00.001-06:00

My burden is not my lack but my excess,
not my weakness but my power.
My fear is not of failure but of success,
of expectation.

Read more »

Divine Sorrow

2011-01-26T16:35:00.003-06:00

If you have never read The Catcher in the Rye, consider yourself lucky. Basically, it's the story of Holden Caulfield confronting his identity and connection in the world. It's a classic example of a coming of age story and it's depressing. According to Solomon there's not much else to expect when you grow in knowledge:
Read more »

Anguish

2011-01-25T18:32:00.002-06:00

I found this on Pastor Chilly's website, he posted about it awhile ago. Just watch it.

Shower Revelations

2011-01-19T20:13:00.006-06:00

I do a lot of thinking in the shower. I'm not sure if that's awkward or not. Anyway, I want to share with you what I was thinking this morning.

Read more »

Different Childhoods

2011-01-19T16:35:00.002-06:00

When I was eight I learned cursive and my multiplication tables, I used eggs in a science fair project, and probably pretended like a dolphin. When Josiah was eight he was crowned king, king of all of Judah. Read more »

No Poking Allowed

2011-01-12T14:35:00.001-06:00

Adam and Eve, original sin, one of the best known and most alluded to of all Biblical stories and concepts. We all pretty much know the basics of the story: two people chillin' in the Garden, along comes the serpent, one bite, two bites, no longer in the Garden, thus begins the suffering of man. Personally, if I were Eve, I would feel really bad about the whole bringing sin into the earth thing.

Read more »

Realizing You're a Lot Better Off Than You Thought

2011-01-11T12:10:00.003-06:00

So, just to clarify, I am on the leadership team of the Christian campus club at my high school. We've been meeting since September and it's been fun. I've met some kids that I wouldn't have ever noticed, we've got out and done some cool stuff as well, bonfires, movies, etc...Read more »

He Writes Love

2011-01-10T21:18:00.005-06:00

My Daughter,

I see your heart breaking
at the loss of others
at their own hands they left this world.
Your heart breaks
and you didn't even know them.

Read more »

Present Review

2011-01-05T16:35:00.002-06:00

Have you ever gotten one of those really crappy Christmas gifts? I'm not talking about a CD you didn't really like once you listened to it or the socks that your grandma gets you every year. One of those gifts where all you can say is Ohhh...thanks??? Off-the-wall-how-did-you-think-of-me-did-you-just-blindly-pick-somthing-off-of-the-under-$5-shelf-type gifts. According to one statistic it was estimated that at least 20% of Americans were planning on returning a gift in 2010 and I don't doubt that more have wanted to.

Read more »

Common Ground

2010-12-29T16:35:00.001-06:00

Paul frequently went on missions journeys. One such journey Paul heads to the temple in Jerusalem where men from Asia saw him. They grab Paul and shout to all the Jewish leaders yelling that this is the man preaching against them everywhere. It says the whole city was "rocked" by these accusations. They seized Paul and tried to kill him but the Roman regiment heard of the uproar and they stopped the Jews from beating Paul. To protect him, the soldiers had to carry Paul away on their shoulders; but, Paul wasn't ready to leave. He spoke to the Roman officers and they allowed him to address the mob.

"So Paul stood on the stairs and motioned to the people to be quite. Soon a deep silence enveloped the crowd and he addressed them in their own language, Aramaic. 'Brothers and esteemed fathers,' Paul said, 'listen to me as I offer my defense.' When they heard him speaking in their own language, the silence was even greater." ~ Acts 21:40-22:2

Paul was a Roman citizen, so he grew up speaking Greek. In Jerusalem, the Romans spoke Greek and the Jews spoke Aramaic. The Jews probably expected Paul to address them in Roman ― it was considered the language of higher status. When somebody comes to you and can't even bear to lower themselves to speaking your language, it says a lot. I imagine it's something like listening to a scientist, they're explaining away using their fancy technical jargon talking to a bunch of people who aren't trained and can't even tell what's being said; not only is it confusing but it's even a little insulting and you don’t really even feel like listening, no matter what they’re saying. So when Paul starts speaking and the Jews see that Paul cares about them enough to bother using an unfamiliar language, they are naturally inclined to take more interest in what he's actually saying.

Picture a class meeting or an assembly at your school, most people are half-listening, some aren't listening at all; but almost everyone is more interested in who's sitting next to them and, though the room is quiet, there's the dull murmur of a couple hundred whispers. That’s the first silence. When they hear Paul speaking their own language it deepens. This would be your pin-drop silence ― this is when even the Jews listen to the ravings of those mad Christians.

When you’re talking to anyone you need to speak in a language they’ll understand. You wouldn’t go to your grandma and pull out everything you learned on Urban Dictionary just like a scientist talking to a bunch of ordinary people would try to speak more colloquially. If you try to minister to people and they can see that you’re not even willing to speak a language they understand, they won’t care about your charity, least of all any agenda you have. The best way to reach others is to speak their own language like Paul says:

“Yes, I try to find common ground with everyone, doing everything I can so that I might save some.” ~ 1 Corinthians 9:22

Guilt Free Rebirth

2010-12-22T16:35:00.001-06:00

I mentioned earlier Paul’s famous Damascus road conversion. Really, it’s quite a testimony. One moment you’re walking down the road and then the next you’re blinded and God is audibly confronting you about killing His children. Pretty intense, right?

However, it’s not on the road where Paul, then Saul, really changed. It wasn't until Ananias, a terrified local Christian, stepped up and visited him.

"Then he [Ananias] told me [Paul], "The God of our ancestors has chosen you to know his will and to see the Righteous One and hear him speak. For you are to be his witness, telling everyone what you have seen and heard. What are you waiting for? Get up and be baptized. Have your sins washed away by calling on the name of the Lord.'" ~ Acts 22:14-16

Imagine Paul sitting there. He's just been blinded, then had his sight instantly restored by a man who he despises simply for his beliefs. Then this hated man tells him that his god has a great plan for him. Then he says come on we'll baptize you and you'll be just like us. First off, I'm pretty sure the whole blinded and unblinded thing would be a little disorienting; then his enemy being all friendly; finally, this stranger says that his sins can be washed away. Say what?

Of anyone in the New Testament, Paul is probably the one I would have voted for Most Likely to Never Be Forgiven. Just look at his past: he held the coats of those that stoned Stephen, a man described as "full of God's grace and power”; he relentlessly hunted down believers and killed Christians, he was probably on his way to do just that in Damascus before he was interrupted. Personally, if I had been Saul and been brutally murdering Christians everywhere, I'd be a little ashamed to join them. Even if pride didn't get in the way, don't you think he'd feel guilty after he got to know the church for persecuting it, his friends, so persistently in the past?

This is where Jesus comes in. His whole purpose of coming to earth, of being born in that manger full of hay, was to save us from the sinful oppression that existed, to free us from a culture of vengeance and allow His children to forgive themselves and forsake their past. Paul could have let his mistakes hinder his faith but he understood that Jesus' life, death, and new life gave him new life as well.

Imposter Alert

2010-12-15T16:35:00.000-06:00

After Paul's famous Damascus road conversion, God began to use him in astounding and radical ways throughout the region. Acts 19:11-12 says:

"God gave Paul the power to perform unusual miracles. When handkerchiefs or aprons that had merely touched his skin were placed on sick people, they were healed of their diseases, and evil spirits were expelled."

As you can imagine this impressed many people. In the next verses we see that it obviously made some jealous too:

"A group of Jews was traveling from town to town casting out evil spirits. They tried to use the name of the Lord Jesus in their incantations, saying, 'I command you in the name of Jesus, whom Paul preaches, to come out!' Seven sons of Sceva, a leading priest, were doing this. But one time when they tried it the evil spirits replied, 'I know Jesus, and I know Paul, but who are you?' The man with the evil spirit leaped on them, overpowered them, and attacked them with such violence that they fled from the house naked and battered." ~ Acts 19:13-16

Most people, upon hearing the first part of this story, would probably say that this is harmless, a few men trying to help others. Yeah, they're using the name of Jesus, but that's not that big of a deal right? It does seem harmless.

The problem is that these Jews are imposters of the faith. Not only does God know when you're faking faith, the devil knows it too. He knows, and fears, those who have the real power of God behind them. Impersonations of God, however, hold no authority over him. Even with the purest of motives, fortune-tellers and sorcerers cannot just declare the sacred power of Jesus without knowing him.

The power of God that is so evident in Paul’s life is not from flippantly evoking the name of some foreign God. The power comes from a relationship, from Jesus with Paul, Jesus in Paul.

A lot of times in society today, we’re like the Jews. We think that if we go about our days and our jobs and get a little Jesus on the side He’ll be satisfied. Maybe if we sprinkle a little Jesus on our cornflakes in the morning we too can have the power to cast out the evil spirits in our lives. It doesn’t work that way though; Satan is not fooled by Paul imitations.

Lost Faces

2010-12-08T21:39:00.002-06:00

New faces aren’t often found in the middle of the pews, usually they stray around the edges, just on the fringe, you never know about those religious people. So a new face, especially a young one caught my attention in the sanctuary before the crowded voices reached up to the cavernous ceiling. The back-pocket, student-leader personality surfaces: Hey how’s it going? What school do you go to? Yeah, totally. Normally a clumsy conversationalist, things seem to flow. There’s always that small window where normal resides, any reaction afterwards seems awkward, strained, inappropriate. These moments hide today, they are not missed.

He’s a friendly looking guy. Haze of bad recall. He’s kind of tall, taller that me anyway. His face is a little lopsided but welcoming in its imperfection, approachable. I don’t remember what he wore, but memory is tinted a fresh green surrounded with the warm dark red of the carpet and rich wood of the pews in the early morning light. Original approach of obligation, new face needing welcomed, you can’t always count that someone else will do it ― and isn’t this the kid I prayed about, the one who ran away, the one arrested, the one lost. He seems nice enough. But I’m pulled away. Can’t you see I’m talking here? Can’t you see he’s new? Bye, talk to you later.

I didn’t forget him either or at least...I hope I didn’t. I remember thinking be friendly, maybe he’ll come to youth, maybe he’ll get involved, get connected, get things straightened out. Maybe.

Please pray. Their son, Will. Oh, God. THAT Will? Passed away. Why passed away? I’ve never understood it. Passed away is for old people, safely away from society, tucked into a nursing home, gone in sleep, sanitary, not shock. But he was young, just seventeen. He didn’t pass away, he wasn’t close to death, he’d looked fine, healthy, strong. I don’t understand. Death was so far away he couldn’t just pass over it. He’s dead, that’s a leap. Oh, God. I hope he didn’t kill himself. We don’t know how he died. What if he did? He was troubled wasn’t he? What if that smiling face was his church-visiting mask? What if I believed it? What if I missed him? Was he saved? Could I have talked to him? I thought there was time. I thought we could be friends, then maybe youth group, don’t push him into God.

But he’s dead. That’s all there is to it. I saw him once, I thought there’d be more, but never again. I’ll never see his face again.

Looking Lucky

2010-12-08T16:35:00.001-06:00

Peter and John went to the temple one afternoon to take part in the three o'clock prayer service." Approaching the temple they saw a beggar crouched by the gate and as they passed he pleaded for them to give him some money. The disciples didn't have any money. Instead of shaking their head, sorry not today, they gave what they had: healing. The beggar was crippled -- that's why he was begging. When Peter took him by the hand, the man was healed and he jumped up and went "walking, leaping and praising God."

The people who passed by him everyday saw him in the temple and recognized him and, when they realized that he'd been healed after years of disability, they rushed out in amazement to where Peter and John were.

Peter and John could have stood there like that's right, we just healed that dude, what now? They could have bragged or said that's enough work for today or even healed everyone they could get their hands on. The Bible though says that "Peter saw his opportunity." Peter saw that people’s hearts were opened "and addressed the crowd."

Peter told the people about God and sin and resurrection. He told them that faith in Jesus can heal, even a cripple. Basically, he preached the Good News. For this, Peter and John were confronted and arrested. It wasn't for nothing though:

"But Many of the people who heard their message believed it, so the number of believers now totaled about 5,000 men, not counting women and children." ~ Acts 4:4

In that one day two thousand believers were added to the church. Two thousand people in one day. On a good Sunday pastors now usually get one or two. There were two thousand men (again, not counting women and children) who were saved from Peter's act this one day; because Peter saw his opportunity.

We like to think that it was easy for the disciples to do everything they did; that it came naturally for Peter to speak to two thousand people, to see this chance. I have to think though that Peter went to the temple looking for a chance to tell the Jews about Jesus and everything that’s happened to him. Perhaps if we went to our schools, our jobs, even our friends, looking for a chance to share; two thousand saved might not seem like such a big number.

Early Example

2010-12-01T16:35:00.000-06:00

The church in Acts was a direct descendent of the teachings of Jesus. At this point it was really more of a band of believers than anything -- followers hadn't even begun to be called Christians. I think that most would agree that this church was the best embodiment of the will and purpose of Jesus that we can find. One of the early descriptions of this radical body occurs in Acts 4:32-35:

"All the believers were united in heart and mind. And they felt that what they owned was not their own, so they shared everything they had. The apostles testified powerfully to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and God's great blessing was upon them all. There were no needy people among them, because those who owned land or houses would sell them and bring the money to the apostles to give to those in need."

The apostles and the believers formed a tight community. In the midst of oppression and persecution, the early followers were forced to rely on each other. The bond throughout the body was so strong that members were willing to give up everything they had to support those struggling among them. As some had need, others gave. When those people came upon hard times, those they had helped were able to give back. This way the community banned together so that none among them would be in want.

I have to believe that, in the same way, the believers supported each other in other things. Not only did they share their possessions and their wealth but they also shared things of eternal value: their gifts, talents, successes, sorrows, and burdens. in this way they formed a true brotherhood. Open and honest, they were accountable to each other; they shared their doubts and struggles, their hearts and their needs. Through strengthening each other and building each other up in Christ, the church in Acts formed a strong brotherhood that grew daily despite the Roman efforts.

“Yes, the body has many different parts, not just one part. If the foot says ‘I’m not a part of the body because I’m not a hand,’ that does not make it any less a part of the body. And if the ear says, ‘I’m not a part of the body because I am not an eye,’ would that make it any less a part of the body? If the whole body were an eye, how would you hear? Or if your whole body were an ear, how would you smell anything?” ~ 1 Corinthians 12:14-17

Every member of the body of Christ has something to contribute. When the ear and the eye bond with the hands and feet the body is made stronger. Through opening up and sharing struggles and strengths, the community of believers was created to support each other and find comfort.

My Thanks

2010-11-27T12:57:00.004-06:00

Every Thanksgiving on my mom's side of the family we play the same game. Each family brings small gifts then we create a huge pile in the middle of the room. Some dice are passed around. You roll two dice each turn and if the sum is nine or greater or if you get doubles you can get up and pick a gift from the pile. Then, once all the gifts have been chosen, we get to open them all up. Finally, we start another round, this one's timed. The dice roll around the circle for eight minutes and if you win you can steal someone else's presents. At the end of the eight minutes you get to keep whatever is sitting in front of you.

When we first started playing this game five or six years ago my littlest cousin was probably only two or three (try stealing presents from a three year old, not fun). This year he's about seven, first or second grade. He's really cute; he's the same one I wrote about who thinks he's going to grow up to be Spiderman. Anyway, this year he decided to follow me around so when we sat down to play the game he plopped down next to me.

He loves this game. If he's not rolling dice he's bouncing and clapping watching them come closer, if he's not grabbing gifts he's either eyeing them or touching them to see which he wants to snag next.

Every time he got the dice I watched over his shoulder. He's little and he hasn't really mastered addition yet so I wanted to make sure he was okay. After each roll I could see his head bobbing as the tally grew.

I always knew instantly whenever he won. I see a three and a six: nine. He sees three dots and six dots: six, seven, eight...nine! He leaps up and runs for the middle.

I think I had more fun watching him than winning a ten dollar WalMart gift card or a bunch of chocolate. It was so much fun knowing that he's won and he's going to figure it out, it's just going to take a little time before his face lights up and he throws the dice aside.

I felt like God was trying to tell me that I have a gift for you. They're plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. You may not see it yet, it may still be just dots, it will take you awhile to figure everything out; but the plan is there. I'm here, making sure you're going to be alright. I'm here waiting to see you figure everything out. I know it's hard; but, I'm sitting here and I'm filled with joy, I can't wait until you see what I have for you. I designed this for you, my daughter, and it is my delight watching you discover what your life can be.

Thank you God.

Unshakable Measures

2010-11-24T16:35:00.003-06:00

My family never hung around the shore much when I was little, we’re more of pool people I guess. Because of this, beaches still fascinate me. You can run along the water’s edge leaving footprints with each step you take then turn and watch as they disappear under the waves. Sometimes when you step your footprint is clear and deep and others it barely makes a dent. Sometimes the water leaves the sand like glass and others it leaves bubbles and the shells of moths.

Perhaps the most magical thing about beaches is the fact that they’re constantly changing. You can stand still as the waves suck the sand from right under your feet. You can literally feel the world changing underneath your feet. It wasn’t until I discovered this that I really understood this verse:

“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.” ~ Matthew 7:24-27

I always thought that Jesus is just telling you that his teachings a solid foundation for your beliefs. His rules and his ways are a good thing to live by. It’s so much more than that though.

If you build on the sand, you’re measuring your success through the world, through outside means. Your value is based on how well you are liked, what grades you get, how much money you have. Then one day it rains―your friends get mad at you, you fail a test, or your dad looses his job―and suddenly everything seems to be falling apart. Even if the rains aren’t falling right on you, the ground you thought was solid can be sucked from under your feet like sand and your life seems to crumble around you.

God uses a different measure. I thank God that He doesn’t measure our worth by our meager offerings and our failed attempts. He doesn’t love some more than others because they seem holier, smarter, or richer. Your value isn’t based on anything you do or who you are.

Don’t doubt that in your life rains will come. Depending on where you bury your roots the rains could help you grow or they could wash you into the sea. Living by the world is satisfying when things are all going alright but if you ground yourself in God you’ll never have to feel like you’re drowning in the fears that you’re not good enough for love.

Rehearsing Life

2010-11-19T11:17:00.003-06:00

Yes, I know. I haven't touched my blog all week. This has been one of the busiest weeks ever. This is the first day this week I've gotten home from school before eight o'clock. My high school's drama club is doing a rendition of Lois Lowry's The Giver. First of all, it's really a fabulous story. I never read the book but the play is amazing even if I haven't seen more than the back of the top of actor's heads.

The play has gotten me thinking though. I'm in an acting class right now and I'm gradually realizing something about acting. You get what you put in.

Today I've done three performances. First hour I did my scene for acting class. Fifth hour I recited a poem for Poetry Out Loud for my English class. At seven we started the first performance of The Giver. My scene first hour went well, at least as well as it could have without real critiquing up to that point; I was proud of my partner and myself. The Giver went really well too, the crowd loved it. But my poem didn't quite come off quite as well as I had hoped. I forgot part of the poem, couldn't seem to make eye contact, unconsciuosly spun back and forth on the stool, and then got so nervous reciting it that I could have sworn you could see my heart beating from the back of the classroom. Not exactly my finest moment.

The thing is, in all of my performances I've begun to notice that the actual performance is usally just like your rehearsals. Motions and inflections carry from the way you practice your lines to the way you deliver them in front of the class. The two that went well today, I rehearsed exactly the way it was going to be. The other was really winging it, which evidently doesn't work.

To get to the point, if you want to present well you have to practice well. It takes the time and the effort that you put in to make the mannerisms of your rehearsal into the habits that carry the skit in front of an audience. If you put in the work, then despite the nervous butterflies choking at your throat, you'll realize that it really is just how you practiced. If we want our faith to perform well for us when it matters, we have to practice it even when it seems like it doesn't. You can't just ignore God six days of the week for eleven months of the year then expect everything to come out well when it's put to the test. Your daily devotionals, your morning prayer time, is the rehearsal for when your relationship with God is really put to the test. I gotta say, it's so much easier not to choke when you've actually practiced what you're preaching.

Zealous Work

2010-11-17T16:35:00.001-06:00

Work as defined in physics is measured based on what you accomplish, you can only say that you’ve done work if you move an object. From a physical standpoint you can push against a wall all day long, try every which way to move it, exhaust yourself totally, and at the end of the day what you did cannot be called work. Imagine straining to hold a fifty pound weight above your head for an hour. Technically speaking, that doesn’t qualify as work either. All your effort is basically worth nothing. Kind of makes you feel small.

Life can feel like this too. People who try to work in the government bureaucracy get discouraged trying to “change” things. They may be accomplishing something in their small spheres but in the larger scheme of things, despite all their efforts, they don’t seem to have done anything against a large and impersonal system. Missionary efforts may seem equally pointless. For all the effort you put in day after day it seems that you can never make any progress against a vast culture rooted in time and set in their tradition.

The Bible repeatedly shows a different story though. One man, Noah, because of his righteousness, preserved humankind. One man, Abraham, because of his persistence, saved a family from the destruction of their hometown.

In Numbers, we see the same deal. At this point the Israelites are still making their way to what will be Israel and they’re camping out in the wilderness. The local Moabite women have enticed the Israelite men into feasting and worshipping their gods. As you’d expect, God isn’t real happy with this. He tells Moses that those men who have led in this behavior must be put to death. Then while they’re discussing this in front of the tabernacle a man is sneaking behind them, bringing a Moabite woman into his tent. Phinehas, the grandson of Aaron the priest, upon seeing this, jumps up in the middle of the congregation, runs over, and stabs them both clean through with his spear. To us this might seem a little extreme but God has a different opinion, he says:

“Phinehas, son of Eleazar and grandson of Aaron, the priest, has turned my anger away from the Israelites by being as zealous among them as I was. So I stopped destroying all Israel as I had intended to do in my zealous anger.” ~ Numbers 25:11

This one guy single-handedly stops the plague that God had sent on the Israelites for their sin. Twenty-four thousand people had already been killed and, without this action on one man’s part, more surely would have died.

Often, even when you feel like you’re just pushing against a wall, your actions have greater weight than you could imagine. God can use one person’s actions to save a nation. Even if your actions don’t reach an entire nation or even a whole school, God cares about even the least of his children and any work you do on his behalf is not wasted.

Why Your Daughter Secretly Loves Disney

2010-11-10T21:10:00.005-06:00

Everyone always says that Disney ruins girls' lives. Disney shows us that good people are pretty, bad people are fat or ugly, there is one true love, all of that. Which is partly true. I have an anti-Disney rant of my own which includes adults dressed up and being paid to hug children in an imaginary world. No matter how outspoken against Disney movies your daughter, or even a wife, might be, they secretly love them. Trust me I'm one of them, and this is why...

I think the first time I saw this movie I started crying at this scene. Basically, at this point Mulan (the singing girl) just went to the matchmaker and; despite all of the advice, all of the precautions, all of her best efforts; totally ruined the meeting, she catches the matchmaker on fire then dumps tea on her and it's just ruined. She's totally disgraced her family and this is her cry.

As girls in this society we're constantly battered with images of perfection. Whether you know it or not; every girl doubts herself. We wonder if we're pretty enough, if we're smart enough, if we'll every be enough to satisfy. Why am I this way? Who could ever love MY personality? Will I ever be beautiful? Am I loved?

Every day these fears take a toll. We spend our days hiding ourselves, changing ourselves, selling ourselves for the love we don't feel we deserve. Then Disney comes along. Part of the problem, sure, but also part of the solution. Mulan's cry is our own. She gives words to our own secret fears, we know we're not alone.

At youth convention last weekend God confronted me about this. I personally have a heavy load of fear and doubt in myself. Konan Stevens talked about facing our lions Friday night. Then on Saturday, he talked about divine moments: the preparation, allowing God to bring you to blossom rather than forcing it, and courage it takes to meet them. Both nights he emphasized that we must submit everything to God, all of our temptations and our fears and God will help you to overcome them. This didn't really sink in until he told a story about his daughter rescuing her teddy bear. I don't even know why but the story broke my heart and I went to the altar crying. I realized that I need to give God everything. Not just my time, or my life, does he deserve; but, EVERYTHING. All of my fears, my jealousy, my depression, self-doubt: all of it. God wants everything.

So at the altar I broke down, I wept. I let God see the hurt in my life and I let him take it. Part of who He wants me to be is a confident woman and by holding onto all of that hurt I kept him from preparing me to the fullest. Now I must continually give all of my junk over to him and stand strong. Stand strong with the courage that God's got everything, including my small life, in His hands.

It Takes Two to Tango

2010-11-10T16:35:00.004-06:00

It seems to me that sometimes our faith becomes very mechanical. The calendar says it’s Sunday morning, so we try our best to look respectable and make it to church on time. The piano keys signal the start of worship, so we stand up and mouth someone else’s words. The pastor says let’s pray, so we bow our heads and close our eyes, like a reflex, waiting until the amen signals when we can unbend and go about with our lives. It seems to me to be the spiritual equivalent of the robot—clumsy, automated, artificial. What God wants seems to be more along the lines of a waltz:

“What makes you think I want all your sacrifices. When you come to worship me, who asked you to parade through my courts with all your ceremony? Stop bringing me your meaningless gifts: the incense of your offerings disgusts me.” ~ Isaiah 1:11-13

Here God tells his people to basically just not worship him. If that’s what you’re bringing, don’t even bother. In Joel 2 he says:

“Give me your hearts. Come with fasting, weeping and mourning. Don’t tear your clothing in your grief, tear your hearts instead.” ~ Joel 2:12-13

All of this is after the reign of David and his descendents. Israel is torn apart, constantly at war, continually worshipping wooden idols rather than their own god. They still have the system of priests who serve in the temples, making sacrifices, performing ceremonies. The Israelites say oops, I sinned... and, rather than truly repenting, rely on the butchering of livestock to cover their butts. To this God says I don’t want your lip service. Your empty shows of affection are worthless to me. The endless empty sacrifices, the shallow shows of fake faith; it all sickened God. He was tired of accepting mere gestures and imitations of repentance.

Rather than spiritual robots with dead hearts, God wants children truly free to dance. He wants a real, authentic, emotional interaction. God desires genuine relationships—something the Israelites didn’t seem to grasp. Now Jesus stands on the dance floor waiting to change all that with us: shall we dance???

On Family...

2010-11-04T19:57:00.004-05:00

So I have to be honest, I copied and pasted this post. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about family so here are some quotes that I think are great, whether you're a parent or not.

"A child needs both to be hugged and unhugged. The hug lets her know she is valuable. The unhug lets her know that she is viable. If you’re always shoving your child away, they will cling to you for love. If you’re always holding them closer, they will cling to you for fear." ~ Polly Berrien Berends

"It’s important to let our kids know we are aware of our inadequacies. Tell them. You have nothing to lose in honestly admitting to them that you didn’t do everything correctly as a parent. The admission may be the key to opening communication and beginning the process of healing your relationships with your kids." ~ Stephen Arterburn and Jim Burns

"Let your eyes light up when your children are around. Laugh more. Tell them how empty and quiet it is when they’re not there. Enjoy the things they bring to your life. Attend their activities, not as if they were compulsory for parents, but throw yourself into their lives." ~ Valerie Bell

"We should not use anger so often that it becomes an expected emotion. All of us, including our kids, love emotion. Once kids get used to a particular emotion—be it shame, anger, guilt, or love—that expected emotion becomes the emotion of choice." ~ Foster Cline and Jim Fay

Parents: just because we're older doesn't mean we're not still watching. We are. We are watching what you do, what you say, how you live, and how you love. Make sure that you continue to show us how to follow after God with everything. By the way, there's a good chance that we learned our attitudes from you.

Routine Results

2010-11-03T16:35:00.002-05:00

Awhile back I read this quote from Robert Madu: “Your daily routines are perfectly designed to give you the results that you are getting! Change your routines and you change your results.”

It struck me when I read this how true it was. Oftentimes we resole in the pew that we’re going to change our daily lives: read more, pray more, listen more, serve more. Then, before we even make it out of the sanctuary, we enter back into the same routines and familiar habits and then wonder why nothing ever changes. In Luke we see the disciples trying the same thing:

“Then, accompanied by the disciples, Jesus left the upstairs room and went as usual to the Mount of Olives. There he told them, “Pray that you will not give in to temptation.” He walked away, about a stone’s throw, and knelt down and prayed.” ~ Luke 22:39-41

You may or may not recognize this passage, it’s pretty standard Easter verse. This is the night that Jesus prays in the garden, the night he is betrayed and arrested. He fervently calls upon his disciples to pray with him, yet they fall asleep every time he walks even “a stone’s throw” away.

Usually when we read this verse, we reproach the disciples for falling asleep: I mean come on guys, Jesus really needs you right now and what do you do, you fall asleep.

We, of course, expect more from the disciples that began this entire thing we call the Christian church. But they fell asleep. If you read carefully, perhaps you’ll see the reason why.

The verse says that Jesus went to the Mount of Olives “as usual.” Jesus going to pray on the Mount of Olives was merely routine to them. The disciples following their rabbi was also routine. The disciples fell into routine—routine detachment.

The same thing happens in the hallways of our schools, the cafeteria, even our own homes. Maybe, as Madu suggests, the reason that we just can’t seem to change is that we haven’t changed—changed our routines. Maybe, the reason we haven’t caught fire is that we haven’t gone out of our way to light the match. Maybe, all it’ll take for you to stay awake in the garden is a little change in the routine.

So a challenge: take the time to change things up. Set your alarm clock to wake up just ten minutes earlier and spend that time praying. Take a detour between second and third hour at school and really look at the people you pass by. Sit someplace new during lunch. Read your Bible in the strangest place that you can think of. Do something different and let God open your eyes in a new way.

THAT'S What Fire Looks Like...

2010-10-30T11:51:00.008-05:00

Don't settle for any of those campfire-in-a-bowl "bonfires."

Great Expectations

2010-10-30T11:09:00.002-05:00

So, I semi-ranted a little while back about prayer. I now find it interesting that I'm about to do it again.

Does anybody else think that it's weird that we often pray trying to convince God that his will should be the same as ours. We start out praying Lord, I want to follow your will...I don't know exactly what you want me to do... then it turns into ...but I really think this is an awesome opportunity, I mean, It's a great chance for me to grow....

I found myself praying like this a few days ago and was lucky enough to realize I was doing it. We ask what do you want me to do God?. Then, instead of listening, we present our argument, all laid out, and assume that during my prayer time I heard all these great reasons for me to do this so it must be his will. Twisted logic right???

I think that it all has to do with expectations. We have these expectations of the feelings we should get during worship, or how an event is going to turn out, or how God's will is going to look.

Just last night I hosted a bonfire for the Christian club at my school. I had all these expectations of how it was going to go and nothing went the way I planned. It was darker than I thought, there were less people, there was less food, we didn't play any games, didn't do any devotionals or anything... But it went amazing.

At first I was disappointed. I was telling myself that this isn't the way it's supposed to go, this isn't how it should look; but, once I let go of all those expectations it was really an amazing night. I always expect that every bonfire we host will be the same but each is a little different and that's what makes it fun. No, there weren't many people there during the light off, no there wasn't much food, no, we didn't do everything I'd planned; but, we had fun, we ate smores, we almost lost a soccer ball in the fire, it was awesome.

Maybe if we prayed with fewer expectations, less ideas about how it should feel, how it should look, how it should go, we'd be able to really hear God. We might really know his will.

Tomorrow Never Comes

2010-10-27T16:35:00.000-05:00

One of the biggest things that we learn in high school is not how to complete the square, use the comma properly, or create a balanced chemical equation. What we often learn is how to procrastinate. I don’t really need that whole week to do the essay, I’ll take a break for right now and work on it in a few days. I can wait to do my homework until after my show is over, it’s only an hour long.

Eventually though, this lesson moves into other parts of our lives, most importantly our Bible study time. I’ll wait until summer when I have more time to read my Bible. I’ll wait until school starts back up, when I can actually use what I’m reading with my friends. Suddenly, a year is gone and you haven’t started reading your Bible like you wanted to, you haven’t prayed like you planned.

In the big picture, it doesn’t seem to matter. What’s one year of a happy 80-something years of your lifetime? Tomorrow’s just a day away. God seems to look at it differently though, through Solomon he tells us:

"A wise youth harvests in the summer, but one who sleeps during harvest is a disgrace.” ~ Proverbs 10:5

That was of course written when people still harvested their food, that whole farming thing is pretty much over though, right? Jesus tells us that the harvest isn’t just for those who plant and plow:

“You know the saying, ‘Four months between planting and harvest.’ But I say, wake up and look around. The fields are already ripe for harvest. The harvesters are paid good wages, and the fruit they harvest is people brought to eternal life. What joy awaits both the planter and the harvester alike! You know the saying, ‘One plants and another harvests.’ And it’s true. I sent you to harvest where you didn’t plant; others had already done the work, and now you will get to gather the harvest.” ~ Proverbs 10:5

Days are growing shorter and the end is coming, the time for the harvest is now. Will you work to gather the harvest that is coming or will you sleep? I challenge you, don’t wait for tomorrow because you do not have a guarantee of another day.

With the Whales

2010-10-20T16:35:00.003-05:00

Most, if not all, of us know the story of Jonah and the Whale. God speaks through man, God speaks to man, man decides that he doesn't like what God asks, man runs away, man gets eaten by whale, man repents in whale, whale barfs man up, man goes and does what God asked in the first place. Nice little story about obedience, but let's rewind for a moment, shall we?

Jonah has never gotten a message from God that he didn't want to deliver before. He's not entirely sure what to do but his shame drives him to run, to try and get as far as possible from the reputation he knows that he no longer deserves. He goes to the docks, where men go to get away, and that's where he finds the boat sailing for Tarshish, the other end of the world. So he hops on. With no one else around the crew must rely on each other and by the time they get out to sea they're friends.

So they're sailing happily, Jonah feels he's escaped and falls asleep. Suddenly, the sky is seized by a storm and the water is threatening to capsize the boat. The sailors used to storms but this one scares them and they wake Jonah up so they can all call upon their gods, maybe one of them can calm the sea. When that doesn't work they cast lots, one of them must have offended the gods. This is when they find out that Jonah is running away. What have you done? they shout. Jonah tells them that the only thing they can do to save themselves is throw him into the sea to die.

"Instead, the men did their best to row back to land. But they could not, for the sea grew even wilder than before." ~ Jonah 1:13

The sailors know what they have to do, Jonah has told them, they just can't do it. He's their friend, at the very least he's a friendly acquaintance, someone they consented to give safe passage across the sea; how can they just throw him into the sea? These waves threaten to crush their boat, what will they do to one man, what will the sharks, the long days, the exhaustion do? They can't just abandon him like that. They try their best to get him to shore. They heard what he said but they have to try to save him -- let his god talk to him when he's safe onshore.

In the end though, they must let him go. It can be one of the hardest things you'll ever do, walk away from a friend, not knowing if you did everything you could. Sometimes, like the sailors and Jonah, you have to let them go. God uses rock bottom to bring people back to him; sometimes all you have isn't enough, that's where God comes in. In the end God is the one who saves, not you. Sometimes the best thing we can do is leave them to God, maybe they'll wake up when their alone, maybe they won't, but if they're in God's hands it's the safest place they can be.

You Said.

2010-10-14T20:53:00.002-05:00

Crayons smell like childhood;
Somehow over the years, I don't know how,
Mine have all melted.

While my back was turned,
The world became a scary place.

You said that perfect love drives out all fear,
Where is mine?

You said ask and I'll recieve whatever I need,
Where is my strength?

Pretty rainbows get covered up with dark clouds,
The black crayon seems to have gotten carried away.

The stick-figure family I drew doesn't seem quite the same.

What if I'm beautiful and they just forgot to tell me?
My body and my barbie will never be reconciled,
How will I ever know?

You said you'd never leave me,
Why do I feel so alone?

You said that you'd never give us more than we can handle,
So why is my heart so heavy?

Whatever happened to the lines we used to color in?
The giraffes,
The hippos,
The puppies rolling in the fields,
Where did they run off to?

You said that faith like a mustard seed would move mountains,
As far as I can see their still here.

God, help me. Help me feel the love, help me to know what to ask, help me to have faith. I want crayons back. I want to draw the picture of your healing and your love. I want to be able to stand tall, strengthened in your Word, so I can strengthen others. Help me to make it through this storm, carried on your wings. I know that you can save me though I'm cut deep.

Questioning...

2010-10-13T20:21:00.002-05:00

So last night I went to a school board meeting. First one I've ever been to with controversy. Near the end of the last school year apparently a bunch of kids at my school apart of the gay-lesbian-bi-sexual-transgendered-questioning-inter-sexed (GLBTQI) support club started a petition to add six words to our system's discrimination policy. The revised policy would read:

"No person shall be excluded from participation in, be denied the benefits of, or be subjected to discrimination in any educational program or activity available in any school on the basis of race, color, sex, religion, age, sexual orientation, gender identity, gender expression, height, weight, marital status, or disability."

The meeting started at 6:30 and when I walked in at 6:32 there was barely room to stand. For literally hours people from the district and even those outside the district addressed the Board with their concerns and comments regarding six words. It was still going when I left at 10:00.

To be honest I wasn't quite sure where I stood on the matter. As a Christian I believe fully that homosexuality or the likes are totally wrong. God created man and woman or as the posters sometimes read he created "Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve." As a Christian I also believe that God loves everyone of His children regardless and Jesus did not discriminate. I agree that no one should be bullied and all that but should I accept GLBTQI activity?

The crowd wasn't helping much. Overwhelming applause on the students side almost made me believe that they were right. However, when someone crossed the line and argued for a denial of the amendment the sudden coldness in the room and the total refusal to acknowledge their comments made me think that these "accepting" people were really just hypocrites.

So where does that leave me?

Where does that leave the Board???

In the end, the Board voted down the proposed amendment 4-3. It wasn't until after this ruling, during the closing comments, that I really started to shape my opinion. Student after student from the club and elsewhere addressed the board saying how disappointed they were. To them the ruling sent a clear message: they are second-class, unworthy, vulnerable, and in short un-loved.

Yes, God hates homosexuality and the like. Yes, GLBTQI activity is considered sin. But, didn't Jesus clearly say that the greatest of all commandments was to love. He didn't say to love your neighbor only if their straight, he said to love period. Jesus himself reached out to the theives, the liars, the adulteresses.

As a Christian am I supposed to wholeheartedly condemn GLBTQI students? What exactly am I supposed to believe? Does love conquer all only as long as you're straight? Does the curtain still stand between the sinners and the innter room? Does sinning make these students second-class citizens? If so, shouldn't we all be?

Will You, For Ten?

2010-10-13T16:35:00.003-05:00

Eating disorders, addictions, cutting, even suicides -- as teenagers we can see all around us the pain that’s running rampant through our schools and even our youth groups. This is where we’ve been called, why we’ve been called. God has placed you where you are for a specific reason, you have a specific purpose to be in your school, in your church, in your home. You were put there to reach out and to intercede.

In Genesis 18 God tells Abraham about Sodom and their sin. He tells Abraham his plans to destroy it and He puts Abraham in this situation for a reason, Abraham responds immediately by asking:

"Will you sweep away the righteous with the wicked? What if there are fifty righteous people in the city? Will you really sweep it away and not spare] the place for the sake of the fifty righteous people in it?." ~ Genesis 18:23-24

Because Abraham asked, God agrees to spare fifty righteous people. But Abraham isn’t done. Please don’t be angry at me Lord, what if there’s only 45? 40? 30? 20? 10? God replies:

"For the sake of ten, I will not destroy it." ~ Genesis 18:23-24

Because of Abraham God’s angels are sent to Lot. Because of Abraham’s intercession Lot and his entire family were saved from the destruction of Sodom.

It may seem hopeless to reach out when there’s just so much pain in the world, it may seem hopeless to intercede with God when His mind seems made up. But what if Abraham hadn’t asked, what if his family had been destroyed?

I encourage to intercede for you friends, for your family, for those you have never met. Pray that God will not give up working in your school even if just to save a few, even if just to save one. Will you not press God to move even if just for ten?

[insert lack of title here]

2010-10-08T18:56:00.005-05:00

Does anybody else think that it's weird that we seem to have an aversion to pauses during prayer? Whether it's the usher unfortunate enough to be in the middle, the student suddenly called on before supper, or it's just their turn to pray in a meeting; everyone seems to think that pauses are like the boogieman.

We talk about homework and work and the football game and pretty much anything else and, in our voices, there are up's and down's, inflection, there are pauses and breaks, speech patterns. Yet when we pray we force the words out as if if we broke the stream somehow we would be less saved. We try to push them out even to the point of stuttering and excessive repetition.

Isn't prayer, though, supposed to be a conversation? Give and take, relating, just like any other conversation. Right?

So why is it that we always talk so fast? Do we really think that we're less Christian if we can't keep an unbroken stream of words floating up to heaven? Do we just not get the fact that God wants to be friends, that he wants to actually talk with us? Are we just ashamed, nervously babbling because we're afraid to show a connection? I understand that usually when we stop talking it's time for the next person to pray but can't we just wait a little longer before charging in? What if we just didn't say anything?

Why does the silence scare us so much?

Who is God to You?

2010-10-06T16:35:00.003-05:00

So, I was asked to write a devotional for my youth group. I figure they'll work just as well as blog posts so if you want, you can find them here for the weeks that they're written. If it's tagged "devos" that's what it is. Here's the first:

When we're young in the church there comes a time when, in Sunday School or Children's Church, we hear for the first time that being a Christian isn't just about Sunday mornings. They tell us that it's more than just coming to church, we need to live like Jesus every day of the week. We need to respect our parents, not hit our siblings, and watch our mouths. The problem is that we almost never are told that there's another level. Yes, being good little boys and girls is important but it's not all there is.

See, Christianity is about a relationship, that's why it's called a “relationship with God.” When we pray it's more than just asking for forgiveness or help with the Biology test next Thursday, it's about communing with our creator, spending time with the Savior of the world. There are many examples of this in the Bible, where man and God meet as friends:

"It was Moses’ practice to take the Tent of Meeting and set it up some distance from the camp... Whenever Moses went out to the Tent of Meeting, all the people would get up and stand in the entrances of their own tents. They would all watch Moses until he disappeared inside. As he went into the tent, the pillar of cloud would come down and hover at its entrance while the Lord spoke with Moses... Inside the Tent of Meeting, the Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as one speaks to a friend." ~ Exodus 33:7-11

All those names that we hear for God: Healer, Shepherd, Counselor, Redeemer; they all come from getting to know God on a deeper level. It's possible to know who God is without really knowing him and it's also possible to get to know God before knowing much about him.

If you haven’t found God this way before you’re missing out on how He created us to live. I challenge you to get on your knees, broken before God, and tell him everything. Give up anything you’re holding onto, make him the most important thing in your life and you’ll find that He can be so much more than you ever imagined to you.

Just Listening

2010-10-03T12:56:00.005-05:00

There's a lot that I could say right now. However, so much is said so often that I feel the need to not say anything at all. I'm just offering some music to play while you continue with your browsing.

God bless...

These Words

2010-09-27T20:06:00.006-05:00

Your words are on my heart -- oh, Lord,
Yet I don't know how to speak them.

They tumble around inside my soul,
Gaining weight with each passing moment.

Some of them fly,
Some of them fall.

With each word, I know you're speaking,
With each pause, I know you're listening.

These messages a gift to me,
A hint at what I could be,
A way to say,
Child, I will help you see.

They press on my heart -- oh, God
but how can I make them real?

When they fly, when they fall,
I'm not sure how to place them all.

Sharpen these words,
Show me my message --
Father, when will you reveal to me
What I'm meant to be?

Real Ideal Passion

2010-09-12T13:32:00.003-05:00

Those of us who grow up sheltered live under this blanket of innocence. It is often in our teens that for the first time in our lives we start to pull up the edges of the blanket and peek out. We see the injustice in the world with fresh eyes. We see the wrong and recognize it for what it is. We see it and we set out to change it. We think we can solve world hunger or racial tension. Whatever it is we have a mission, a fire.

Overtime you get calloused. In order to reach people you run out from under that protective covering. Through the rain, through the mud, you run. You find a few people, you lead them under the wings of God where they can clean up, dry off. The injustices of the world start to attack at your innocence. All the mud and grime you've run through splashes onto your shoes, on your pants. You fall down and soon your covered in mud. You start to see things the same as the world, you blend in with the dirt. All the wrong that's done, gets boiled down to 'life's not fair' or 'he'll just use it to get drunk anyway.' You don't try to change the world anymore, it's just the way things are. You give up trying to fight the system and inevitably end up serving it.

This might be where a lot of the adults of today are. The ones who set out from college trying to change things, the ones that were called idealists, the do-gooders. Maybe it's your time to run under the wings of God. Maybe it's time you see that God is the ideal, and he is real: with God idealism is realism. Let him show you his vision. Let him stoke the fire in your heart, that passion you started out with. See the injustice again, brand new.

Why I Love the Lord

2010-09-05T20:23:00.004-05:00

I love the Lord because he hears my voice
and my prayer for mercy.
Because he bends down to listen,
I will pray as long as I have breath!
Death wrapped its ropes around me;
the terrors of the grave overtook me.
I saw only trouble and sorrow.
Then I called on the name of the Lord:
Please, Lord, save me!
How kind the Lord is! How good he is!
So merciful, this God of ours!
The Lord protects those of childlike faith;
I was facing death, and he saved me.
Let my soul be at rest again,
for the Lord has been good to me.
He has saved me from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling.
And so I walk in the Lord’s presence
as I live here on earth!
I believed in you, so I said,
I am deeply troubled, Lord.
In my anxiety I cried out to you,
These people are all liars!
What can I offer the Lord
for all he has done for me?
I will lift up the cup of salvation
and praise the Lord’s name for saving me.
I will keep my promises to the Lord
in the presence of all his people.

The Lord cares deeply
when his loved ones die.
O Lord, I am your servant;
yes, I am your servant, born into your household;
you have freed me from my chains.
I will offer you a sacrifice of thanksgiving
and call on the name of the Lord.
I will fulfill my vows to the Lord
in the presence of all his people—
in the house of the Lord
in the heart of Jerusalem.

Praise the Lord!

~Psalm 116

Unscheduled God

2010-09-01T20:47:00.003-05:00

It's in unexpected moments that the wonder of a child comes upon me. When the moon is appears sitting right on the horizon, suddenly reachable. When snowflakes once again become individuals. When watermelons the size of golf balls look just like their full-sized counterparts.

It's also in the unexpected moments that the spirit of God comes upon my heart. The quiet thrum of music. A single powerful line in a movie. The touch of nature.

God can speak to us in many ways at all times. His presence is unpredictable. It's a blessing but also a curse. In seconds we can be closer to God than we have been in days but in seconds we can also dismiss these moments. It's often said that you can't put God in a box. My freshman English class experience screams inside me to resist using such a cliche but still it's true. You can't put him in a box and you can't limit him to a block on our schedule. These moments are given to us and we think oh, I'll pick this up later, I'll just have to remember to pray about this, If this is really God he'll say it again, I'm just too busy right now. Because the timing isn't convienient, because this isn't when we scheduled worship time, because our devotionals are later in the evening; we put it off, we let it go, we dismiss it.

How much richer would our lives be if we seized these moments? How deeper could we go if we allowed God into every part of our schedule? What if we didn't deny God our time? Let him be unscheduled.

My Secret Dirt

2010-08-25T21:09:00.001-05:00

So I have a confession to make. This has been rolling around in my heart for a few days and tonight God totally called me out on this.

Tonight one of our students spoke in youth group. And so I'm sitting here thinking this is not going to go well. The guy's never preached before, he does not have the preacher style and his sermon's just going to fall flat. Then the moment he starts preaching I realize that this is from God. For the first time ever I saw this guy totally serious and he spoke to the things God has been putting on my heart as well, except he had a lot more clairity. When he first started he said that he felt that God really wanted to move in our youth group. Then he started getting frustrated because nothing was happening. At National Youth Convention God told hiim that he does want to move in our group but he can't because of secret sin.

Immediately when I heard this I remembered my thoughts on Chilly Chilton's website. I have to give him props (you can read my comment rght on his site) because he really laid his heart and his feelings out when most of us would rather keep dirt (Jesus Love's my Dirt) like that in our vest, close to the chest, just plain secret.

Since then I've been thinking about making my own confession and tonight I was really challenged to do so...so here's my dirt.

I'm a jealous person. In reality I have just general attitude problems, if you don't think so ask my mom, I'm sure she'll back me up for once. I'm the kind of person that just craves attention. I guess if you put it more gently quality time would be my love language. It's probably because I got used to being ignored when I was being annoying when I was little so when someone really takes one on one time with me it means more than I can say. Anyway, I get jealous when other youth group members get more attention than I do, I get pouty when things don't go my way, I hold grudges when, how dare they, not see that I'm not feeling well. Over the years I've perfected my sulking technique and over the years I've also tried to both show off and hide my unfortunate moods.

This is my secret sin. My dirt. I may be petty and jealous but wait: He is jealous for me, He loves like a hurricane I am a tree, bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy. Like I mentioned Jesus Loves My Dirt (Madu) and He's still willing to accept me despite everything.

But Wait...

2010-08-23T20:43:00.001-05:00

So the last couple of blogs I wrote were about two of the saddest verses of the Bible. Moments where Israel lost their connection from the God that loved them and the proof that they didn't even know what they were missing. The Israelites, God's chosen children, are isolated and forced to live with a dramatically different life than God wanted for them. The covenant that God made with Abraham, with Jacob, with David, where did that leave them?

Now it's time for a new convenant.

At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook and the rocks split. The tombs broke open and the bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life. ~ Matthew 27:51-52

The moment Jesus died they entered into a new covanent. For centuries the Israelite priests and prophets had brought the word of God to his people from behind closed doors. They pronounced the judgement of Israel after exclusive meetings conducted in the deepest part of the temple behind a thick heavy curtain. The moment Jesus dies that curtain was torn.

The Israelites may have given up their chance to speak with God when they screamed in fear. But God gave them another chance. They got a chance to redeem themselves from second-rate temples and telephone-style prophesies, they got a chance to be Israel, God's chosen people again. And so did we.

The moment Jesus died he redeemed us all. Now we all have the chance to see God, to speak with Him, to know the deepest extent of what he has for us.

No longer are you bound by the temple's guest list. No longer are you forced to live with a second rate life never knowing just how good God planned the first one. It's the new covanent. It's for you.

Sad Present

2010-08-11T10:48:00.004-05:00

So now the Israelites, disconnected from their God, have finally been broken down. The Babylonians have destroyed the temple of Yahweh and now the Children of God are finally beginning to rebuild. The preists have rebuilt the altar and sacrificed to the Lord.

The foundation is being laid...
the Israelites are reclaiming their land, their Lord:

"They sang responsively, praising and giving thanks to the Lord, saying, For He is good, for His mercy and loving-kindness endure forever toward Israel. And all the people shouted with a great shout when they praised the Lord, because the foundation of the house of the Lord was laid!" ~Ezra 3:11

Seems like a victory for Israel right??? Verses 12 and 13...

"But many of the priests and Levites and heads of fathers' houses, old men who had seen the first house (Solomon's temple), when the foundation of this house was laid before their eyes, wept with a loud voice, though many shouted aloud for joy. So the people could not distinguish the shout of joy from the sound of the weeping of the people, for the people shouted with a loud shout, and the sound was heard far off."

Once again, to the outsiders it seems like a time of joy. There's praising, redemption, and a fresh start -- all in one day. So why are the elders of the nation weeping?

What we have here is a nation in which the younger generation is trying to rebuild. They're making their mark in the history books and taking up leadership. We also have an older generation that sees all of this and weeps. They're aware not only of the efforts being made but the way that it will never compare to what was. The younger generation is trying their best but they'll never even know what they're missing; the power and glory of the Israel that God had planned will never again be fully realized and they will never get the chance to even weep as their elders over what was.

Sad Future

2010-07-29T20:16:00.004-05:00

There are two verses in the Bible that I've found sadder than any others. Right now I just want to focus on the first of these, Exodus 20:18-21. God just finished revealing himself at Mount Sinai. He's given the people, his people, his instructions. Then it says:

Now when all the people saw the thunder and the flashes of lightning and the sound of the trumpet and the mountain smoking, the people were afraid and trembled, and they stood far off and said to Moses, "You speak to us, and we will listen; but do not let God speak to us, lest we die." Moses said to the people, "Do not fear, for God has come to test you, that the fear of him may be before you, that you may not sin." The people stood far off, while Moses drew near to the thick darkness where God was.

We think of Exodus 20 as the book of the ten commandments but here not only do the Israelites receive their code of conduct but the course of their nation is changed forever.

The people see God's power face to face, they hear the boom of his voice and know his might. And they're afraid. There's nothing wrong with that; in the presence of the Lord of Heaven's Armies almost everyone in the Bible trembles with fear. Here, however, the Israelites give in to their fear, they cry out NO! We don't want to talk to God. Moses, you go do it, we're too afraid.

And Moses listens.

When Moses goes to speak to the Lord himself this changes forever how God speaks to his people. No longer can he reveal himself to the whole community, no longer does he speak to everyone. From here on out he never presents himself in the same way. From this point on we see judges, prophets, priests, but none of God.

The Israelites, in their fear, limited God. They made him impersonal, distant. They denied their right as the chosen nation to speak and relate with their God. From now on the everyday Israelite cannot communicate with God, they go to seers, rabbis, idols, anything but God. They've denied God the right to speak to his children and above all have denied themselves.

At this one verse in the Bible the Israelites choose willingly, in fact they insist, that they be

cut off,

isolated,

distant

from the powerful but loving God of their nation. They choose to be

alone,

never again to be connected in the same way again.

Acorn Aptitude

2010-07-10T20:40:00.005-05:00

Since the Emerald Ash Boarer has passed through our neck of the proverbial woods our relatively large backyard has been rather bare. Most of the trees that previously shaded our lawn were ashes and they are now gone (made great bonfires). Now all the trees that are left are either pine trees way in the back or pines that travel in a line down a single side of our lawn. I figured some shade would be nice so when I was at my grandma's house last week doing yard work like crazy whenever I found a baby tree I dug it up and carefully put it in a pot to replant in our yard.

When we finally got all of my trees home and sitting on the patio my mom said point-blank: you can't plant all of them. So here I am with a dozen or so trees and I'm only licensed to plant like five. Now I have to choose -- but how can I choose, they're like my babies.

I don't know why all of a sudden I grew so attached to these trees. They're like wimpy and six inches tall and there's like a millions others out there just like them but for some reason I couldn't believe that my mom would suggest that we destroy these trees. Sure, they don't all have to be planted in our yard but we can't just ditch them or burn them, leave them to die.

These trees are life, they may not be human, but they're life. They fought to survive. These trees are the seeds that faced the claws of squirrels and braved the winter winds, battled the others for a glimpse of sun and managed to grow. It doesn't seem to me that life like that should be allowed to be wasted simply because we already have too many maples in our yard or because it's leaves aren't quite as green as the others.

I know it's somewhat stupid and sentimental to feel this way about trees but you have to think to about the humans we treat like this. Impersonal government bureaucracy, rigorous job application processes, impossibly large missions fields; in each of these areas people are sorted like these trees. Michigan University decides they can't accept you, there are enough writers, you're just not exciting enough. Wal-Mart turned you down for that job because you didn't have as much cashiers experience as the next guy.

It happens everyday. The world chooses those people who are the greenest, the tallest, the most exotic of the bunch and everyone else gets left behind. Even in ministry we help those that are the most convenient to reach or those who seem like they deserve it the most without really thinking about who each person could be in Christ.

It's not our job to sort through the tangle of human life out there, to selectively choose who we minister to based on the prettiest, the richest or the most interesting as if there are only so many mansions in Heaven and God needs help sorting through all the applicants. Our job is to minister to everybody including the porn-addicted emo classmate, the gaudy prostitute, and the homeless drunk.

Who's to say that the two inch tall maple tree in the pot on my patio can't someday be like the giant, centuries-old oak that still stands, six feet wide, in my grandma's backyard -- even it started out as an acorn one day.

Ice Cream Lessons

2010-06-20T19:19:00.004-05:00

So yesterday I was working 12-5. I work at an ice cream shop near the edge of town which basically requires me to be a waitress, cashier, chef, and janitor all in the same shift and often many in the same instant. So, anyways, it was pretty slow, really slow in fact for a Saturday. Emily and I were working trying to find something to do since we'd cleaned everything in the store at least twice and had no customers then we finally get a few people. So here I am taking a customer, writing down their order and ringing them up, then I look up. In the moments that I was looking down at my pad the patio exploded with customers. There were at least five sets of customers that rolled in along with an entire little league baseball team and all their fans.

So I'm freakin' out a little. Okay, maybe a lot. I started in March and have only worked two shifts max a week since then. Like I said I wear a lot of titles while I'm working and there's no instruction manual for being awesome at four things at once while there's about fifty people waiting in line for you to take and make their order.

Then I find out that all the little boys running all over are all together and their coach is paying for them. So there's twenty seven year old boys who don't know what they want but all want it right now and there's just me and Emily and she's taking customers too. I'm standing a few feet back from the window preparing myself for all out war when all of a sudden, out of the thin blue sky, comes the boss. Just to be clear, she'd not exactly my favorite person in the world; she swears a little too much, gossips a little too much and has no organizational system whatsoever; but at that moment she seemed like an angel to me.

Emily and I hadn't even had time to say a silent prayer for help let alone call Laurie to come and rescue us but here she was. We didn't make a bad team either. I took the orders from the little boys and Laurie made the orders and brought them out to the window. It took us about ten minutes to get all the little boys happily licking and scooping ice cream to their hearts delight but we did it.

By myself I never would have been able to do it. Just thinking about all that ice cream and all those orders still freaks me out. This is kind of like our approach to our own lives. Oftentimes we try to take it all on by ourselves. We get ourselves worked up because we think that there's absolutely no way we can do this all by ourselves, there's no way we can make it through this; but, what we're missing is that extra help. One set of hands, if it's the right hands, can make anything possible.

The task seemed impossible but with Laurie even the biggest order was possible. Whatever's going on in your life whether it seems impossible or just improbable with God it's possible.

An Apology.

2010-06-16T13:04:00.003-05:00

Hey everyone, I know it's been awhile since I've blogged, I'm sorry about that.

I've been busy. School's been crazy. Two essays, three presentations, four finals, a very complex project. I've also been working, I got a job a couple of months ago. Suffice to say, I haven't exactly had much to spend writing.

School's done now. I'm hoping to get back in the habit of posting stuff. Stay tuned.

A Dream and a Truth

2010-05-11T07:25:00.003-05:00

FCA is the Christian club on campus at my school. Right now it's a small affair, usually only like two people show up and we've had at very most like eleven. The leadership is made up of three seniors who on May 29th will no longer attend this school and who (nothing personal) don't really seem to be wholeheartedly interested in watching or helping this club flourish. And right now this is where I feel called.

Part of me feels like this club is beyond help and that with the loss of our seniors it will slowly die. Part of me feels like without the seniors I could take it over and raise it to new levels.

I want this club to be a place, not only for Campus Christians to connect and fellowship, but where they can be inspired, instilled, and encouraged. I want God to be so alive in FCA that people will talk about it and that it will overflow and members won't be able to keep from telling their Christian friends about it. I want FCA to be full of people who realize that there are hurting people and that if they don't help no one else will.

My school used to be one of the best in the state. We were clean, good kids with great teachers and real progress. Now, though some people would still say that our school is one of the best around, I see the pain and the corruption of what was. Kids in this school are broken and hurting and no one seems to notice. The school system is cutting more and more teachers, letting more and more slide, accepting more and more trash in their school. Most people still think this school is great but I believe that the time is coming where God will catch a hold of our school and bring us back to him.

I don't know if that is going to happen while I'm here, I don't even know if I can do anything to be apart of it; but, I do know that God has a plan for FCA and I believe that He alone can make it happen.

I want God to use me here but I don't want to get in His way. I don't know how to get all of this started but I believe that God can use a willing vessel. I hope that I can be used to inspire change, I hope that I can be used to His glory, I hope that I can be used...but I must give up my control and my ideas and make way for God.

Learning from Mothers of All Sorts

2010-05-09T19:31:00.003-05:00

Mothers day. A yearly sermon topic. A chance to run around the backyard in the dark for any sign of flower life. A test of rudimentary card-making and crayon skills. Our turn to honor the special women in our lives.

My mom is indeed something special. We argue a lot, there's a lot that I wish was different about her, I blame most of my bad traits on her, but still she's worthy of respect.

About a year ago my dad lost his job at General Motors. He didn't get another job and after awhile he started going back to college. Meanwhile my mom is left to provide for all four of us and ended up working third shift (which if you don't know really sucks). Then just when I started getting used to this arrangement my dad's school schedule changed and my mom switched to first shift. Every time things settle down they don't seem to stay for long before all of our worlds are shaken up again. If I had a choice there's a lot that I would change but through it all I've learned something about my mom, she's tough.

My mom has had a hard time dealing with all the changes. She used to be a lunch lady and work about five hours maybe then come home and crash. Now she gets up at all hours of the night to deal with a dysfunctional production system and comes home sometimes twelve hours later dead tired but still gets up the next day. That's something special.

On this day though I'd like to honor two others, without naming names, who in my life have also acted as a mother to me. First of all, is a woman who leads the Sunday night small group that I attend once a month. She's been through quite a lot. Her faith holds her through. She has spunk. She's willing to admit when she's done wrong and she's not afraid to call you out either. She's respectful and sincere and she's showed me how to trust God for everything, not just the big or the small things. Secondly, my youth pastor's wife. She has spunk too. She's had a rough history but she's overcome it. She's open and honest and she tries to live out Christ in every setting. Most of all she truly loves each and every one of the girls in our youth group and cares for each of us. She's been somewhat of a mentor and an inspiration for me.

Both of these women are what we described at my church this morning as "Step-in moms." While I love my mom she can't show me everything, there are things that she just can't fix, there are things that she just doesn't know, there are things that she just isn't. These sort of step-in moms have helped show me, whether they know it or not, how to live a Godly passionate life. They are what I hope to be someday, strong in my faith, passionate, and open. Whether God has planned for me to be a pastor, an inner-city missionary, or just a graphic designer I know that I want to be like these women, living out my relationship with God everyday. I pray that I'll be even a portion as Godly as these women.

I think that even though today is mother's day we should show respect as well for the step-in moms who have taught us beyond what our blood could.

Get Out of the Heat

2010-04-27T20:02:00.002-05:00

Have you ever had that feeling where everything is just warm? Not hot exactly, but warm. It's kind of a weird feeling, it's like you're melting into the air, slowly suffocating. I've experienced it most in the car. Long trips in the the family van in the wintertime. It's bitter cold outside so we lock ourselves up in the van, cuddle up with our blankets and coats, and blast the heat thinking that it will make us feel better. In reality all it does make you sick.

I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm — neither hot nor cold — I am about to spit you out of my mouth. ~Revelation 3:15-16

We think most times that this is about passion but I believe that this verse is also about the church — our insatiable consumption of the "church experience." So many times we fear being left in the cold, we fear being out of our comfort zone, away from the church body that we've come to know and love.

We sit in the pew every Sunday morning, every Wednesday night, every church convention soaking in the teaching and the Bible stories. We've learned the Sunday school answers and we've memorized the way that we "should" feel about death and life, sin, abortion, all of this stuff. What we don't realize is that often we've become so emersed in the pew portion of our spiritual lives that we've almost become desensitized to it.

I've found that the best way, on those long winter car rides, to get rid of that suffocating feeling is to press your face against the glass. The cool of the glass wakes you up and you realize how warm you really are.

Maybe the source of the emptiness that so many people feel is the fact that they've locked themselves away in their ivory towers and turned on the heat to combat the cold. Maybe the best way to bring us back to reality is to step out into the cold. Get out among the unsheltered and the freezing and you'll realize how warm you really are.

Get off the pew and serve others and you'll see how much you have and it'll be worth that much more.

Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution

2010-04-25T12:30:00.007-05:00

Hey Guys,

This has nothing to do with anything really, it's just something that I think is important. Anyway, you might have heard about this show called Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution.

Basically it's like it says. He's trying to transform the way that Americans eat, especially the schools. The way that many Americans eat is very unhealthy and the way that the schools cook is helping to bring up another generation that's headed down that road of obesity and death. The show is pretty good but you don't have to watch it, what I want you to do is go to Jamie's website and Sign the Petition. I've eaten school lunches, I've worked back in the kitchens at my school, my mom was a lunch lady for ten years. I know what's up with the school food and I believe that it needs to be changed. So check it out and I hope you'll consider signing the petition to help Jamie bring better food into America's schools.

~Sarah

Set the World on Fire

2010-04-20T19:51:00.003-05:00

I wanna set the world on fire
Until it's burning bright for You
It's everything that I desire
Can I be the one You use?

I, I am small but
You, You are big enough
I, I am weak but
You, You are strong enough to
Take my dreams
Come and give them wings
Lord with You
Nothing I can not do
Nothing I cannot do

I wanna feed the hungry children
And reach across the farthest land
And tell the broken there is healing
And mercy in the Father's hands

I, I am small but
You, You are big enough
I, I am weak but
You, You are strong enough to
Take my dreams
Come and give them wings
Lord with You
Nothing I can not do
Nothing I cannot do

Take my dreams
Come and give them wings
Lord with You
Nothing I cannot do
Nothing I cannot do

My hands my feet
My everything
My life, my love
Lord, use me

I wanna set the world on fire
I wanna set the world on fire, yeah

Take my dreams
Come and give them wings
Lord with You
Nothing I cannot do
Take my dreams
Come and give them wings
Lord with You
There's nothing I can't do
Nothing I can't do

I'm gonna set the world on fire
Set the world on fire

~by Britt Nicole

I wanna set the world on fire for You.
You've given me this dream
Can You help me see it through?
I can't do this on my own,
Only through You.

I'm not strong enough,
Smart enough,
Outgoing enough,
Pretty enough...
I want to serve you.

I've dreamt of my impact,
My service,
My life.
I've dreamt of this call.

But I can't do it on my own.

I'm so messed up.
I've got all this junk.

Who am I to lead others?
To bring them to You?
Can this possibly what You've meant for me?
It seems to be too good to be true.

I want you to use me for more.
I want to set the world on fire.
I want these dreams I have to soar.
You gave them to me for a reason,
Why can't I see where I'm supposed to go?
What am I not hearing above the roar?

Help me give these dreams to you,
I know there's so much more I can do.
I wanna set my world on fire.
Can I be the one You use?
Can You give my dreams wings?
~Sarah

Where's the GPS When You Need It?

2010-04-12T19:37:00.005-05:00

God's will. That's something I've never understood really. I mean, I know that God has a plan and a path that he wants each person to take, but how do you know beyond the shadow of a doubt that this, right here, right now, is what God wants for you to do?

I like to think that I'm not exactly an impatient person. I know that I'm not exactly a patient person either. I'm with the rest of humanity except for the jerks who can't wait in the lunch line or the Mother Teresa's of society, lingering somewhere in the middle. The place where I suppose it's probably legit to call me impatient is, yes, direction.

You know how in driver's ed you have no idea where you're going but you're supposed to be getting you and the two other people there? You're driving all happy, making sure you're in your lane, focusing on the speed limit and that darn needle that always seems to creep up when you're not looking then all of a sudden there's a light. You realize that you have no idea which way to go. Left? Right? Straight? Which lane do I get in? I have to turn on my turn signal now if I'm going to turn? Which way??? The driver's ed instructor never seems to notice that all of a sudden you're freaking out and getting ready, if necessary, to jerk the steering wheel and cut someone off.

I hate that moment.

You know that a decision has to be made NOW--or at least somewhere close to it--but you don't know which decision it should be. That's the way that I feel when I'm waiting on God for direction. I know that he isn't looking at the pigeons on the sidewalk but He doesn't seem to notice that something has to be done. I can't linger in indecision. It's just too stressful for me. Sometimes I know that I'm probably making the wrong decision, but any decision will do, just so I know where I'm going.

So here I am once again.

Waiting on direction.

What's his will?

Should I go?

Should I not go?

What's the right decision?

I have to say I have serious respect for Pastor Chilly for this reason. If you don't know what's been going on for him in the past year or so, he felt the call to plant another church in Detroit, in midtown. At one point he had this property that someone was supposed to donate to him and the church for free, it was amazing property, but just as they were about to close the deal fell through for some reason. Here I would've been all this must not be God's will, let's put it off for another six months until we know where we're going or at least find some property for now, any property. Not Pastor Chilly though. He stood his ground. He set the date. He didn't know where, he didn't know how, but he knew when.

So my question is...am I not waiting long enough? It's perfectly plausible. Maybe the direction I'm seeking isn't supposed to come right now, my faith may be being stretched...Or have I missed the answer I prayed for?...

How do you KNOW?

Letting Go

2010-03-25T21:17:00.003-05:00

I don't know if I've posted about this but I am part of a Bible Study group, we meet on Thursday nights, that is made up of all college girls (some of them are actually married and working and everything too). But this Bible study group is great for me. Everyone who goes has such great insight into the Word and such a great testimony and relationship with Christ. It's really helped me, being in this group (and my monthly small group) to grow in the way that I see God and realize that there's so much more than the Sunday school God that we so often see in youth group or Sunday mornings.

Tonight though we our Bible Study was really powerful and it really spoke to me. It was about forgiveness and offense. Yeah, it sounds really Sunday-school-esqe but it was actually very eye-opening. The thing that hit me the most was that unforgiveness is a foothold. It may be something as simple as the kid across the table said something that hurt my feelings or something as deep as a family member's betrayal. If we allow unforgiveness to stay in our lives it's opening a door to Satan to come in and have his way with us.

A lot of times we don't even really realize when we're harboring resentment or holding on to past hurts. When we are though it's like inviting the Devil come in and when the foothold turns into a stronghold while our back is turned we have such a larger issue at hand than simply saying I forgive you.

This is something that I realized that I have in my own life. As a kid I was the youngest in my family and I was the weird one. My parents and my sister did and said things to me that I've either tried to bury or that I've just held onto in order to say look what they did to me, this is how you've hurt me. I've held onto all of this througout my life and it's why redemption seems to stray.

Holding onto these grudges has set up in my spirit this attitude of resentfulness and bitterness. This unforgiveness has become routed in my soul and is where the Devil has his hold on me. I've allowed myself to use these injustices as an excuse to walk around with a chip on my shoulder and never become who God has intended for me to be.

Jesus' whole purpose was forgiveness, God's whole message is in redemption. When we don't even allow ourselves to forgive those in our lives that we feel have wronged us then we're effectively refusing to claim the forgiveness that God has offered. Because we don't forgive others we are essentially refusing that message of personal redemption that is what is so powerful about the story of Jesus. Without that redemption we are lost, the devil has his hold.

Hosanna 2010

2010-03-21T14:50:00.006-05:00

For anyone in Washtenaw county:

If you've never come before this is the year to start! Hosanna is an annual celebration of Palm Sunday sponsored by PACT. I can't wait to declare the victory of the Lord and God's triumph in Washtenaw county right in my own school. God is going to pour fourth blessings and renewal like never before and it'll be an amazing chance to unite the denominations and cites of Washtenaw under one banner. Come, it's going to be awesome God is going to reign in that auditorium. Don't miss out!

City of Light

2010-03-14T20:50:00.003-05:00

Last Friday our youth pastor invited the entire youth group to his house for the evening. He lives the next town over from me so at midnight when my dad came to pick me up we had about a fifteen minute drive back home. The road between the two towns is pretty deserted both of cars and houses. The weird thing was that as I was looking around I noticed this orange glow on the horizon. It was like there was light radiating from the horizon, it definitely wasn't the sunset because it was midnight and in the north. Very puzzling.

So, I'm thinking about this for a little while and then it hits me. Maybe it's the city. Maybe it's the street lights, light pollution, whatever you want to call it, from the city. Decent theory, right? That's what I thought anyway. So I'm watching the orb and as we're driving we're getting closer and closer and then sure enough. We climb over the last hill approaching town and look down and there's the lights the streets, the cars.

I saw the city coming for miles. If I hadn't even known it was there, if I had been lost, if I hadn't quite known which way to go, I could've just followed the light.

Genesis 1:4 says that "God saw that the light was good, and He separated the light from the darkness." Genesis also says that "God set these lights in the sky to light the earth, to govern the day and night, and to separate the light from the darkness. And God saw that it was good" (1:17-18).

In both instances God separated the light from the darkness. Clearly the separation is important. He separated day from night, he separated light from dark, and he separated good from evil.

In Exodus 27:20-21 God commanded the people of Israel to keep the lampstand in the Tabernacle lit continually all through the night through the generations. Israel was his representative to the world. The light in the Tabernacle, that light is the holiness of Israel. Without their holiness Israel has no hope.

"He brings light to the deepest gloom." ~ Job 12:21

"There are twelve hours of daylight every day. During the day people can walk safely. They can see because they have the light of this world. But at night there is danger of stumbling because they have no light." ~ John 11:9-10

"'My light will shine for you just a little longer. Walk in the light while you can, so the darkness will not overtake you. Those who walk in the darkness cannot see where they are going. Put your trust in the light while there is still time; then you will become children of the light." ~ John 12:35-36

"I have come as a light to shine in this dark world, so that all who put their trust in me will no longer remain in the dark." ~ John 12:46

Darkness and light cannot coincide, neither can holiness and corruption or life and hopelessness.

When you're inside the world of light you may not notice it. The orange glow seems normal, the stars still seem bright, it still seems dark at night. True darkness is terrifying though. Most of us who've grown up in the church will never experience this darkness but people everyday are dying searching for the light that we don't seem to notice.

God has placed a call on our cities, our churches, our lives. We are to be a fortresses of light in a dark world.

One of my favorite things about my church is the steeple. It's really just a point, there's no cross or anything but there's lights. On each side of the steeples there is a light pointing upwards, lighting the tallest point of the temple from below. There's a road that runs behind my church and at night when you look up as the houses and branches rush by you can see the steeple, steady, bright and white.

This is how we should be to the world a haven of light on the horizon, a pinnacle of hope through the trees; radiating love, redemption, and righteousness.

Spiritual Astigmatism

2010-03-10T19:56:00.002-06:00

I have astigmatism. The way the eye doctor explained it was that one of my eyes is more "football shaped" than rounded. Basically what that means for me is that I'm pretty nearsighted. Most days it's alright so I've never actually worn my glasses but sometimes, especially the last few days it starts effecting even the things that are only about five feet away.

It's most noticeable for me when I'm walking around school. We have four really long hallways that stretch from one side of the school to the other. When I walk down the hallway I'll be looking around and notice someone and try to see who it is but if it's far enough it's almost like there's three copies of the same thing placed slightly apart from each other. Then as we get closer together things start merging and finally I can actually see them clearly, the sad part of this is that by the time that happens we're close enough to like carry on a conversation. I think relationships are nearsighted as well. We never really understand people until we actually talk to them or move in among them.

There's this television show that the guy that made Supersize Me makes, it's called 30 days (I always think 40 days and start singing the Mark Schultz song but it's 30) and we've watched two episodes of it in my government class. They're basically all the same. They find a minority, then they find a guy who has serious issues with that minority, then they have that guy move in with the minority.

The first episode that I watched was about Muslims and Islam and the second one was on illegal immigrants. Both times the subject goes in with serious preconceptions, they have this view of the group as a whole and this image of the people as individuals that they've heard from the news or from rumor and these two images conflict with the real image and they, socially, have the same vision problems as I have physically.

When we really get to know people and their situations we get closer to who they are and what they're about. As we move closer our vision clears and we can see things the way that God intended us to see. Our discrimination, racism, superiority, and judgements all fall away when we get to see what really makes people tick. When you can see someone clearly and they can see you clearly, only then can you will they be able to see clearly the cross you wish to show them.

New Soldiers

2010-02-22T17:45:00.003-06:00

Whether you know it or not you're in a fight, a fight to the death. This seems to be something God really wants to get through right now; God brought this to my attention Saturday night, Pastor Bomey preached about this last night, and tonight Pastor Craig blogged about the Specificity of the devils attacks. When the pastor says something more than once it's usually important, I believe it's the same way with God.

We are fighting a spiritual battle, constantly. Ephesians 6:12 says:

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."

The Bible also says:

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."
~ John 10:10

There's a scene in The Two Towers where the men of Rohan are lining up for their swords and helmets and among them, at their feet are children. The helmets cover half their faces and they've never used a sword before in their life. The whole time you're watching this scene you wonder why would they take these boys from their mothers and put swords in their hands but all of the armies of Isengard are coming and they need every man and boy they have fighting. If they don't win this battle it doesn't matter whether or not the children are inside the fortress or out on the battlefield.

The thing is, when things get tough, when conflict threatens to destroy your world, when things are at their darkest -- that's when children fight. Think about it, when Goliath was threatening the Israelites' way of life who fought? It wasn't the tents full of experienced soldiers, it wasn't the king, it was a teenager. David. When King Saul heard about his he replied:

"You are not able to go out against this Philistine and fight him; you are only a boy, and he has been a fighting man from his youth.
~ 1 Samuel 17:33"

He was probably a teenager, maybe in his twenties but certainly not a soldier.

Earlier when Israel's leaders and priests were turning to idol worship and unholiness who did God use to give his message. Yep, a kid. It was Samuel who was called to reveal to Eli the sins of his sons.

Right now the forces of darkness are amassing over the horizon. The devil is preparing for his final battle. There are more suicides than ever; drugs, depressionn and cutting are running rampant in schools; The "Holy War" grows ever more intense in the Middle East; apathy and scandal have reached into nearly every part of society. So far we've just entrusted this battle to the experienced soldiers: the pastors, the elders, etc; but now is the time when we fight, now is the time that the ordinary, the teenagers, the hurting and the weak take up their swords for battle.

Make War by Tedashii

2010-02-21T12:55:00.002-06:00

Intro (John Piper):
I hear so many Christians, murmuring about their imperfections, and their failures, and their addiction, and their shortcomings. And I see so little war! Murmur, murmur, murmur. Why am I this way? Make War!

Verse 1 (Tedashii):
Bang with me/ba-bang bang, ba-bang with me/
No more playing games mane/cause this thang can get risky/
So mane if you in Christ/TAKE UP!!/your cross quickly/
Stand fearless on the frontline/time to come with it/
Do the right thing/WAKE UP!!/and lets get it/
I ain't even in the ring/they throwing bows like Riddick/
Persistently attacking me/they're even in the back of me/
It's either fight or loose my life and I can't take this passively/
So what you think I'm bout to do/I'm bout to do what I can do/
Trust the ONE who got me through/and fight like it was after school/
Never giving up/steady, standing on the battle field/
Feet firm to the ground like I stepped on Chappel Hill/
Flesh feeling frisky, sin persuades and tempts me/
Satan cheers me on/guilt followed by conviction/
It's the same ol' trap/and we fall like we defenseless/
Work your senses/grow in wisdom/stand firm and be relentless/

Hook:
I MAKE WAR!/Cause sin never sleeps/
It's got me in a trance/you can see it in my dreams/
I MAKE WAR!/Man I beat my flesh/
to the death/every breath/like I beat my chest/
I MAKE WAR/sun up/
I MAKE WAR/sun down/
I MAKE WAR/time in/
I MAKE WAR/time out/
I MAKE WAR/against lust/
against pride/against me/until I die/

Verse 2 (Flame):
Do you even have a clue
What happened to you when He died
When that tomb got rolled when He rose in the sky
I think we emphasis sin so much
That it makes us paralyzed
And glorify struggle so much
That it makes us terrified
And deemphasize the fact that we have been sterilized from our own lives and thus
We gotta snap out of it
We aint in no straight-jacket
We free
When Jesus died in our lives something strange happened
He gave us power
Yeah I know that we sinners but since He rose He's renewing the image of God in us
Now, we gotta start making war
Now we can start saying no
To them fleshy impulses that Jesus Christ is paying for
Now we can start taking the lead
Just like the Dalai Lama and start going all out like a suicide bomber
Whatever the sin is we gotta go go go harder
By His grace no time to waste and just just just like there's no tomorrow

Hook

Verse 3 (Tedashii):
I'm a Christ representer, fin to stand and deliver/
cause a lot of my believers struggle with their agenda/
so I dropped this on an ADAT/just so you could come play back/
a hit to be encouraged that rocks you with truth from, way back/
so listen up to it ASAP/like you do a Lecrae track/
I'm spittin' written visions to put on heads like a wave cap/
sinning, nawl we don't play that/cause that's the way that a slave acts/
I'm filled with the Spirit so tell them dog this is pay back/
as you begin to copy the carbon copies of Christ/
and conform to His written image you should be shinning a light/
if you not, why is that?/
is it fear that's been grippin' you/cause you scared they'll be dissin' you/
flipping birds while that spit at you/
if you not, why is that?/
it don't matter so bump it/perfect love cast out fear and He ain't save us for nothing/
this is a privilege (privilege)/your life to give to Him (give to Him)/
so stand firm for Him dawg and lets get it in/

Hook

Especially When I'm Not Alright

2010-02-20T20:33:00.002-06:00

When I was listening to I'm Not Alright a couple of days ago I was reminded of a conversation that I had been having with a friend of mine. When I was talking to her about things that have been going on she said something along the lines of 'it's hard and I don't know why, if I did it seems like I'd just be able to fix things and these problems would be over.'

I was thinking about this and I realized that we don't have to be alright. We shouldn't just give ourselves over to the issues that come up in life, just throw in the towel but we also don't have to beat ourselves up when our life seems to be messed up. Jesus came for redemption, he came to liberate us from our pasts, our sins, our violence, and ourselves. He didn't come to condemn us or accuse us, it's okay if everything's not alright, it won't be that's why he came.

This idea should free us, we can be messed up, we can be sad sometimes, it's alright if things are hard. You don't have to put up the front, you don't have to keep pretending to your friends that there's nothing wrong just because you don't want them to think that Christianity is just another religion.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
~ Matthew 5:3-10

It's time that we be real, real about what's going on in our lives, real about where we are in our walk with God, real about what it's done in us. When we're real is when we'll see lives healed, people changed, and broken hearts renewed. Confrences, contests, or sugar-coated sermons can't do that.